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Glenn Ford is rescued from a mugger by the dominant George Macready, and the two immediately fall in love, Macready becoming his auntie, sodomizing him with his swordstick. Unfortunately, they both feel a need to prove their masculinity, the innocent Rita Hayworth being the victim of their frustrations, as neither is able to perform with a woman – not even Gilda.

This has already caused Ford to leave her, Macready subsequently marrying her. To the two men, this is the perfect arrangement, Ford playing the part of the eunuch guarding his master’s property.

Hayworth, however, is a bit bemused. Gilda may be the name of the picture, but it’s clearly not about her.

To a heterosexual audience, waiting two hours for Rita to do her thing is simply too much, especially since every time she comes into the frame, those two old fruits get in the way, even interrupting a striptease, which must of course seem pretty disgusting to someone of their persuasion. All in all, things being what they are, I wouldn’t be too quick to put the blame on Mame.

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