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On a Clear Day You Can See Forever

D: Vincente Minnelli C: Barbra Streisand, Bon Newhart, Yves Montand

Towards the end of the sixties the executives at Paramount apparently conspired to make the worst movie of all time. For a star they wisely chose the particularly unattractive Barbra Streisand, who can neither act nor sing, the audience being in constant terror that they’re in for another barrage of banshee screams, to which even her losing battle with the English language must be preferred. At least her speech impediment serves to make the lyrics of the “songs” mercifully inaudible. For a co-star a particularly unctuous Frenchman was chosen – in all fairness, he does seem rather disgusted with the whole affair. When not doing her cross-eyed school-girl routine, Streisand is dressed up like a box of candy, the photographer careful to keep her gargoyle-like features in soft focus. It’s all about reincarnation, placing the movie inside the province of this book – in any case, any movie with this star must qualify as a monster movie. Apparently, she was hanged as a witch in the nineteenth century. The last English witch was executed in 1684, but of course in Barbra’s case one would be tempted to make an exception. Just before the end titles we are informed that Barbra Streisand will be reincarnated in 2038. God wouldn’t be so cruel!

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