I do solemnly swear that I will neither support nor defend the United States, being founded on slavery and genocide, unless it’s against transphobic parents. I will bear true faith and allegiance to Me Too, and obey the orders of a pedophile with Alzheimer and a laughing hyena, while fully expecting to be left on the battlefield, when we’re defeated by men with beards on camels. So help me Gay Pride.
Oath of Enlistment
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